If you’re Emma Watson, glamorous and intelligent and likable star of the Harry Potter movies and some well-regarded indie fare, there’s probably one thing that scares the living hell out of you: What if your boyfriend’s family doesn’t like you? I mean, the odds are seriously stacked against you. Most people hate attractive, Brown- and Oxford-educated, worldly, independently wealthy young women. Poor Emma Watson has to deal with this every time she meets a nice fella. Currently she’s dating an Oxford rugby star called Matt Janney, the son of
actress Allison Janney. No, I’m just kidding, he is not related to Allison Janney in any way that I’m aware of. But luckily Matt Janney’s guardian Coralie Day says that the family is “thrilled to bits that he is seeing Emma Watson. We are looking forward to meeting her soon.” Oh man, what a relief. Because you’d kind of expect them to hate her! Especially since they all loved Matt’s old girlfriend, ‘Round-the-Way Janine, the chippy from the nearby council estate who introduced herself by saying, “‘Ello ‘ello ‘ello. Name’s Janine and I been shaggin’ yer boy for goin’ on a fortnight now, ‘aven’t I ol’ Matty ol’ boy?” They looooved Janine. So Emma had a lot to live up to. But I’m glad the family looked past their prejudices and came to love Emma for who she is, warts and all. It’s a different England now, I’m telling you. The old class consciousness isn’t really there anymore. And that’s great. Enjoy each other, love birds. Though, don’t get too serious. Emma is technically still promised to that bootblack from Hackney, after all. [People]
Alert alert: Soon there will be photos of Chris Hemsworth holding not one, but two babies. Remember those photos from a year or so ago of huge muscle god Hemsworth holding his tiny baby? And how wonderful they were? Well now his wife, Elsa Pataky, is pregnant with twins, so soon he will be holding two bundles of joy, one in each enormous arm. And how the… Ugh. No. I was going to say “oh how the ovaries will explode that day,” but the whole “ovaries exploding” thing is a very creaky Internet trope at this point and should probably be put to bed. Gently, like rippling he-wonder Chris Hemsworth puts his baby to bed, but still put to bed nonetheless. But yes, when there are photos of Chris Hemsworth holding infant twins, I suspect that many a person will swoon. Gay, straight, man, woman, doesn’t matter. Chris Hemsworth is made of marble and babies are made of squishy goo and when marble holds tiny mounds of squishy goo it is just the sweetest. So watch out, world. Because those pictures are just a few short months away. [Us Weekly]
Love is born, love dies. Robert Pattinson, a common Englishman who was whisked into a strange and mysterious world of vampires before being spit out again, has finally sold the house he shared with his one-time love, Kristen Stewart. The home, a Spanish manse in the Los Feliz neighborhood of Los Angeles, sold for a tidy $6.375 million, about $100,000 more than he bought it for, in 2011. There’s no word on who bought the place, but People magazine gives us the following juicy tidbit about the house: “Previous celebrity owners of the property include Tim Curry, Noah Wyle and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.” Oh my! That’s quite a lineup of glitterati. And now Robert Pattinson can be added to that list. And, by extension, Kristen Stewart. What a haunted place. Haunted by a really strange assemblage of various celebrities, yes, but haunted nonetheless. Anyway, glad you can finally move on, Robert. May the next house bring more happiness than heartbreak [People]
